The Side Effect of Pregnancy and Motherhood

I was realizing today that lately I feel guilty so much more often than I ever have in my life. The more that I thought about it the more that I realized that it all began with being pregnant. Or even deciding to have children. Really, think about it. Are you eating the right things to prepare your body for pregnancy? Is your body too thin? Too fat? Enough muscle? Once you are pregnant are you sleeping on the right side? Do you occasionally drift to your back during the night? Do you eat fish? Do you remember to kegel? Have you taken a birthing class? Are you taking the right birthing class? Have you studied enough? Are you studying too much? Is your baby active? Is it too active? Is it something you ate? Is it something you didn't eat? Did the baby already develop the wrong genes? Once the baby is born the heavy dose of guilt begins: Are you feeding/holding/loving the baby correctly? Did you give birth right? Are the socks you bought going to stunt the growth of his feet? Are you choosing the formula that will prepare the little brain for Harvard? Are you sleeping too soundly that you won't her the important whimper? And too top it off, all the signs that say "Don't leave baby unattended" ...what may have happened that one time you left the baby in the high chair when you had to rush to the restroom?

Sometimes I think that the overactive guilt of being a mother comes from the overactive judging of other mothers that occurred when I was pregnant. Really, the "when I am a mom, I will never be neglectful enough to leave my children while I use the restroom" or the "my children will be so loved they never cry, she just must not love her children" And then your baby cries in the hospital and you immediately feel as though if you had loved her more up to that point she wouldn't be crying. Granted this is after labor and 48 hours of no sleep so the guilt is coated extra strong on your weary emotional eyes.

It's funny because if the roles were reversed and the males were in charge of staying at home and nurturing the children, this would be the mindset:

Dad #1 - "Dude, my baby just stood for the first time."
Dad #2 - "That's awesome!"
High fives
Dad #2 - "You should see the faces my baby makes when she fills her diaper, look at this picture...

Instead this is what happens with moms

Mom #1 - after some deliberation whether it was too much to tell or not, but realizing that her friend would see it either way at the next play date, "She is crawling everywhere."
Mom #2 - "Yay, that's exciting" while thinking, "What am I doing wrong? My baby hasn't even acted like she is thinking about crawling. Should I have her looked at? Maybe the pediatrician forgot to ask me about that and this is a sign of something more serious? I can't believe I haven't given her enough attention that she feels the need to crawl to me."

I realize that all of this may be a slight over exaggeration and may also depend on which males or females you are talking about. Quite an over generalization, but maybe it's all in an effort to make me feel like I am not the only mother who has ever felt guilty...

Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is awesome. I feel like I am one of the few that gets the awesome opportunity to see my daughter as she progresses and the miracles that happen in her life. But why is it that when anything goes wrong I feel like I could have done something to prevent it?? I sure hope that having more children makes you feel less guilty rather than more guilty!